I give this parent a C minus

I was sent a funny sound byte about a school's answer machine message by a friend the other day, and it made me chuckle. It wasn't until after I'd listened to it that I scrolled down the email and read the notes that put this message in context. Apparently it was the actual message used by a school in Queensland as a reaction to bad press. We believe everything we read in emails now don't we... nope. A quick google including the word "snopes" gets me to that very useful site that reveals that the first instance of this message was spread in text form in 2002, and referred to a Californian school. That version was a spoof as well. 

This is how the audio version goes:

School.mp3

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

• To lie about why your child is absent, press 1
• To make excuses for why your child did not do his homework, press 2
• To complain about what we do, press 3
• To swear at staff members, press 4
• To ask why you didn't get information that has already been enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, press 5
• If you want us to raise your child, press 6
• If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, press 7
• To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8
• To complain about bus transportation, press 9
• To complain about school lunches, press 0
• If you realise this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his or her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your children's lack of effort ... hang up and have a nice day!"
• If you want this in a another language, move to a country that speaks it
• Thank you for your interest in public education.

The recording is funny, but in some ways painfully true.

Years ago, before I had children (ah, the days when I was young and free!) I read an article in the newspaper about a school in the Tower Hamlets area that had been failing, and a "super head" had been called in to "fix" it. For a school to be classed as failing, academic achievements and attendance records need to be below average in a vastly disproportionate way.

The article was describing the changes that had happened under this new head, and the reactions by many parents. When the school was first taken over, the head suspended all classes for the first week, and began to teach children the new rules of conduct that would be mandatory at the school. Many quite obvious - speak when you are spoken to, be civil at all times, respect your teachers, respect your fellow classmates. And some less obvious, but useful - for example, always keep left when walking to your next class.

Is it not shocking that basic courtesy has to be taught to these children? Apparently they didn't learn it at home however, as the paper reported one incident where a parent coming in to see a teacher at the school was walking down the corridor with their child. "Mum, you need to walk on the left." Says the child. Says the parent "No-one tells me which side of the fucking corridor to walk on."

Does that child have a chance in hades of being raised as a courteous, considerate individual who understand that people need to work in fellowship? To borrow from the linguistic leanings of the mother, not a fucking chance.

Another point raised in the paper was that the school had asked for parental help with some areas, and some parents had volunteered to come in to assist with reading or general classwork. The reporter spoke to a mother at the gate about what she thought of that. She was less than keen on this concept. "They're traitors." She spat. "Gone over to the other side. It's them versus us, they shouldn't have gone over to their side. It's their job, innit."

So how does a school succeed, when it's obvious that the parents are really the ones doing the failing? Looking at the list of options on that phone message, it's clear that many parents really don't make the grade. What chance do children have when their role models teach them the only thing in life that matters is yourself?

For a school to be failing it has to be a combination of circumstances that lead to the eventual. Failure of a school means that the administrators who come in to turn it around have to start taking over the role that the parents should have been acting within. When a parent cares about their child's education, and takes an interest in what the child needs to be doing for school, then the child is not going to fall through the cracks. If the parents don't care - why should the teachers?

When we last moved home, number 1, Miss Trouble Pants was almost school age, so a school became part of the list of essentials that we were looking for in a new home. I knew where I wanted to live in a general sense, but needed to narrow that down. I investigated the schools in the area - a task made easier by a friend of mine who'd already done just that and had about 3 reams of paper on the subject. I wandered around the streets near each school and decided where I felt that we should move. I chose the school crammed in to a smaller area, without its own pool, and without an attached greenspace. But the streets were pretty and the area felt friendly. It's not just about the school - it's about your whole lifestyle, and you have to live in a place you'll enjoy. The catchment area of the school I chose was tiny. It's a sought after school, and people move just to get their children in there.

That paints a picture of parents who care. Parents who want a good education for their children, and will therefore not be assuming that their 8 year old is capable of taking responsibility for their own homework. This leaves the teachers with a class of pupils who have a stricter upbringing, and are therefore more responsive to authority. This doesn't mean that there aren't still people who complain about not knowing what's going on, despite 8 school newsletters telling them, but it does reduce the stupidity factor by a large number.

Another comment in the newspaper article I mentioned before was one of the mothers claiming that teachers needed to EARN the pupil's respect. I don't agree with that either.

There are always bad teachers. That's a fact of life. There are also bad accountants, bad policemen and bad doctors. There are probably even bad street cleaners. I am sure one of them works in our street actually. It's easier to be a good teacher in a good environment. In a bad environment, if you're not E. R. Braithwaite you will probably drown in it. What does a teacher do when half the students don't turn up half the time, and those who do are disruptive?

A teacher should be afforded respect for their position. From the minute a child steps into the classroom, he should respect his teacher. I don't care if he doesn't LIKE the teacher the first time he meets them. If a teacher had to earn respect from all his pupils before they behaved, no work would be done for the first 3 months. And doing a triple flamingo might earn respect from a group of 10 year old boys, that's not really the kind of attitude I - as a parent - want the teacher to have. What child is going to have a conversation with his friends that sounds like this:

"I have great respect for Mr Westcott, he sets tough homework assignments and expects them to be in on time"
"Yes Johnny, I agree. I like the fact that when you don't do it you are penalised."
"Yeah, he's da MAN."
"Word."

Word indeed. Maybe it's the parents who need to go back to school to learn how to raise their kids.