I was going to write a quick guide on how to train your husband this week. But my first port of call was some research into the matter, and I discovered to my chargrin that this subject has been done far better by many others. Far more inventively in fact.One woman has written a blog entry about how to train your husband like a dolphin.A DOLPHIN. Now why didn't I think of that?I was more going along the lines of training my man in the way I'd train a dog. Or perhaps using behavioural techniques that I use on the children.But...
the male enigma
Right now, the house is silent and calm, as Mr Boxer Shorts is out with the girls on a shopping trip. Shopping for moi.That is a complete and total first. Normally, he forgets. Normally - I let him forget. I do that in order to allow him to show me that he can do it without me needling him. That he can demonstrate his love for me, and surprise me.Strangely, it's never worked.As I turn 40 in 4 days time (deep breath, exhale, relax... you can do this) I made sure that this year he would not be allowed to...
Since we no longer have any forms of transport available, I had to ride my pushbike up to the hospital for my pre admission blood test. In the rain. Since the hospital is at the other end of town this isn't actually as much of an arduous task as I just tried to make out. I used to ride my bike a lot more than I do now - I used to deliver Miss Comic Relief to nursery on it two days a week, then ride straight to the gym (are you feeling insignificant in the light of my physical...
Apparently I appeal to men. Let's just leave you to think about that for a moment. . . . Ok, while I enjoyed that little ego boost, what I was actually talking about was my writing. Although I DO appeal to men. Honestly. I did when I was younger and didn't have children bags hanging off me. Once those things were called boobs. And I did manage to attract Mr Boxer Shorts, and he's not half bad. In fact, he's quite dishy. Very Simon Baker-like when he needs a haircut, which I definitely fancy. Although should Simon Baker come knocking...
I am not terrible at cooking, but I am terrible at remembering to prepare beforehand. So often I find myself with a lump of frozen chicken that I forgot to take out of the freezer that morning, and no way to defrost it quickly (without doing that half cooked thing in the microwave, which makes me want to be a little sick in my mouth). So sometimes on a Friday I ring up Mr Boxer Shorts and suggest that he might like to bring home some takeaway. That's what I did a few weeks ago. Here's how the conversation went...
There are many milestones within each person's life, and most people would expect (with, for the most part, good cause) that those nearest and dearest to them will remember some of those milestones and celebrate with them. So it's feasible to think that when you're married with two children, that one of those three people might remember that it's your birthday.I'll forgive a 4 year old and a 7 year old for this travesty, but the person I won't forget is my husband of 10 years. I woke up this morning to my alarm, which gets me up early on Thursdays...
My husband just rang me from WHSmith, to ask me where the sticky back plastic was (which I'd sent him out to buy). My response? "Don't they KNOW?" What makes men do this? Why, in preference to asking the people who work there, would he ring me and expect me to know where a commodity has been stocked in a stationary shop I rarely go in? What is it about asking people questions that makes men run a mile, and come away empty handed rather than open their mouths? We've driven 60 miles out of the way because he wouldn't...
I now have a huge pile of grey clothing. Grey. Very very grey. Don't think that it is a choice thing. Grey being the new black and all - bollocks. Black is the new black and always will be. Grey is what happens when you let your boyfriend do the washing. To be more specific, grey is what you get when your boyfriend puts more clothing than would fit in the hold of the titanic in your washing machine and blows it up. Of course, that in itself is not enough to ruin the clothing, so add to the mix...
